"I hate you -- get out of my life!" she said when he finally arrived. She was furious about his coming home two hours late to a cold dinner on the table. The candles had burned out, and she ate alone. This was not the first time he stood her up. You'd think she would learn! (You'd think he would learn!)

She loved him so much she was enraged, and told him she wanted a divorce and for him to leave and never come back! Obviously to John, Mary no longer loved him, so he left, hurt and upset, and spent the night elsewhere. Mary was even more hurt from his staying away all night.

Of course, she loved him very much. She understood that. But how could she love him and hate him at the same time? She wondered, and he wondered, and with no clear answer they drifted apart.

She didn't understand that love is more than a feeling of pleasure. Love is also an emotional investment. Mary's anger meant that John was very important to her. Otherwise she wouldn't care at all. Anger is an inevitable feeling in any relationship . . . but you have to know how to use the energy to turn upsets into opportunities.

The truth is, many people are confused about how to have a close relationship that works. . . .